In my naivety, I thought knockers were people who knocked at doors.
Doors, or so I thought, that are knocked on ….
By The Police
By Meter Readers
By Touters For Trade
By Charity Collectors
By Suspicious Callers
By Christmas Carollers
By Political Canvassers
By Deliverers Of Goods
By Beggars and Pleaders
By Children at Halloween
By Subscription Collectors
By Neighbourhood Watchers
By Collectors and Borrowers
By Salesmen and Saleswomen
By Online Shopping Deliverers
By the Travelling Fish Van Man
By Vendors of Household Goods
By Proselytisers of Religious Sects
By Kids Playing Knock Down Ginger
By ‘Round Table’ Collectors at Christmas
By Persons leaving parcels for a Neighbour
BUT . . .
were proved to be delusions
when, out borrowing,
I came across the following …
So to make the situation worse
I turned at last to verse . . .
We have the best knockers in town,
They patrol our street up and down.
If you’re not in good shape
Then you’d better escape,
Or they’ll certainly cause you to frown.
’Cos they ring and they knock twenty times,
Even when you’ve got ‘GO AWAY’ signs,
Saying “You must now leave
Or you’re going to receive
A summons for multiple crimes.”
But then someone pointed it out,
There certainly was cause for some doubt.
As I’m not very clever
I’d made a bad error
Over what this old sign was about.
They said I was most asinine;
I was dim and unable to shine.
To them it was clear
I had no idea
I’d mistaken a word in the sign.
Yes, to put it quite bluntly you see,
I’d boobed over what it could be
In my defence
I thought something else.
I was really naive you’ll agree.
I had taken the word at face value;
I believe every word these signs say.
I just wasn’t thinking;
Perhaps I’d been drinking;
Never dreamt that they meant it that way.
There was no way that I could have guessed;
I knew not these words were just jests.
If they’d meant to be clear
And were really sincere,
They should NOT have said ‘KNOCKERS’ but ‘CHESTS’.
I’ll give the last words on this edifying subject to Paul McCartney and ‘WINGS’ . . .
“Someone’s Knockin’ At The Door” (‘Let ‘Em in’ … 1976) .