Headline in ‘The Times’ Newspaper – 1st June, 2018
‘Supermarket refuses to serve customer for wearing flat cap.’
The ensuing article went on to tell of the ejection from a West Midlands Tesco Supermarket of a 64 year old male customer by a security guard for entering their store wearing a flat cap. The man refused to do so, and then complained to the management . . . The article concluded with . . .
”Tesco said its policy on hoodies or crash helmets had been implemented incorrectly.’
My verses below attempt to imagine this same scene being re-enacted in Yorkshire . . .
THE FLAT CAP
He wore a flat cap walking into the store;
Well, being Yorkshire, you wouldn’t expect more,
So it was such a surprise when security stopped him
Told him to doff it or they’d have to accost him.
“What the bloody ‘ell for?” was his caustic reply,
“What’s so nasty or hurtful? No, I will not comply”
“And why may I ask you, can’t an old codger like me
Wear just what he wants, isn’t our country free?”
“Well, sir, you see, we’ve instructions to stop
All those wearing headgear who come into our shop.
Such things as those hoodies and crash helmets too
Are definitely verboten and that applies also to you.”
“Well, you can stuff your instructions, I’ve ‘eard nowt so daft
Since our Auntie Ethel got caught in a draught,
Displaying her knickers to all that dare look.
Your bloody instructions sound like pure gobbledygook.
So I’m not doffing my cap and not leaving your store
Until I have got just what I came in for.
You can take your instructions and stuff them just where
The sun never shines, so do that if you dare.”
Tha’s dun a belter ‘ere ar kid !’ Love how you’ve captured the classic tyke characteristics Roland. The inability to be impressed, the championing of common sense and that wonderful stubborn pride. It made me recall my Papa, saying in response to my wish that we had a Rolls Royce, “what for lad ? it’ll only tek four same as ya dad’s n it’ll be a bugger t’polish.’
Thanks for the giggle & memory.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A great response, Nigel. Enough in your Papa’s story for yet another poem!
From that picture to the very last word, I enjoyed every bit of this. I could just hear such an exchange.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Lynn.