Suicide on a whim is not unheard of but few such perpetrators live to tell the tale
one such rescued from his indecision by the Gardai lived through his trauma sweet Liffey run softly while I tell the story
distraught by his gambling debts and the drinking his only way to a conclusion seemed to him to be voluntary self-inflicted euthanasia yes he thought that he wanted to die half-determined part irresolute
in a single moment of wavering he had jumped just fell perhaps but the fear and the cold water soon hit him hit harder than the twenty foot drop
an instinctive cry escaped him you could call it a change of mind his cry for help was a second thought an unintended consequence of his half-hearted conviction
and now he was held grasped in a rescue bid
but did he wish to be salvaged to be pleaded with would that bring him the closure he craved attention unwanted
but secured attention secured but unwanted
and still he could not let go the ladder his passport to life a life he did not desire could he bear to go there yet again to continue victim to more pain to yet more anguish
but temporary chagrin is no killer his cri de coeur answered his indecision thwarted
is it heads or tails is it stay or go is life’s hurt greater than death’s pain is future shame worse than eternity’s opprobrium
we will never know the prognosis I suspect he is still amongst us ever indecisive a suitor for attention defaulting on his debts not stopping at three pints one of life’s protean chancers
How can you love me When you do not know me? But could you ever know me? Could anyone ever truly know another ? For what is love? And what is knowing?
I love it that we share our minds I love it that you care life is not simple nor is it kind I cannot tell I will not tell what license I will find when I am free to give and take to open my closed door I hate it that I cannot share my honest thought with you
You cannot love me When you do not know me How can that be? Love incites jealousy Demands a tunnel vision How can you love me When you do not know me?
How is it that you care? why do you say I am your hope your strength and future when we have hardly ever met and how do I respond to what your heart holds dear when I am filled with dread that what you see in me is no more than a wish a thread of passion based on hope on a need unspoken and unknown
But can you love me when you do not know me?
Why fantasise why build daydreams on that insubstantial illusory quicksand of hope when caution’s imperative holds good perhaps for ever
Please do not love me Until you know me
Loving brings distress I know heart’s ease can never please for long for us nor promise what it withholds out of pain and anguish exigency does not let up its grip forfeits optimism
So where does that leave hope
In fortune’s limbo
offspring of circumstance
life’s lottery held
in someone else’s hands
You cannot love me Until you know me! And then … ? Oh … what is love?
We will not know Unless love happens Until love happens
The poem was based on the invention of scenarios around some of the paintings by the Scottish painter, Jack Vettriano (1951 -).
The images used above are from Pixabay.