Three Condensed Fairy Tales

Little Red Riding Hood

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

Never visit your dear old nan
Without a brave wood-cutting man,
For when she smiles and shows her teeth
You’ll find that sly old wolf beneath;
But your woodcutter he’ll protect you,
He’ll tear that mask off and will axe him,
He will not pause to even ask ‘im
What he’s doing in your nan’s nightie;
Transvestite wolves are most unsightly.

 

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 goldilocks

GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BEARS

 Goldie trespassed in the Three Bear’s house,
Thinking “I’ll be quiet as a meadow mouse.”
She sampled all the porridge she found,
Then had a quiet snoop around.
Three chairs, three beds, she sampled all;
Soon fell asleep, curled up so small.
The bears returned, the baby bawled,
At all the damage they were appalled.
Goldie awoke, she screamed in pain,
And never saw those bears again.

 

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 Rumplestiltskin

RUMPELSTILTSKIN

Her father boasted to the king,
His daughter was so gifted
That she could spin the meanest straw
To make gold unassisted.

But this she clearly could not do,
Until a dwarf agreed
To help her if she’d give her word
Her baby to him to concede.

This she woefully had to do
To keep her father’s word.
So sad she was and out of sorts,
As the love within her stirred.

The only way to recover her child,
The dwarf then to her said,
Was to find out what his true name was,
Thus stem the tears she shed.

She travelled far, she travelled wide,
Seeking his name to find,
But every name she tried was wrong,
No one could ease her mind.

Until she heard a voice one night
Within a woodland glade.
“Rumplestiltskin, that I am”,
It sang while music played.

Indeed it was her little man,
Rejoicing in his glory,
To think that he had won his prize
And thus would end this story.

But he’d been rumbled in his pride;
Of justice – no miscarriage,
For she had got her baby back,
And the King’s rich hand in marriage.

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Illustrations: By WHB . . . Pen & Ink – January 2018   ©

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‘Let Sleeping Princesses Lie’

sleeping beaty the kiss

A headline from a recent edition of the ‘Daily Mail’ read:

‘Mother demands her son’s school take ‘Sleeping Beauty’ off the curriculum because the princess doesn’t give consent to be kissed and woken up by a prince.’

Let sleeping Princesses lie . . .  The story must be told . . .


 

One of our favourite fairy tales
Has fallen under a cloud;
For kissing a soundly sleeping beauty
They say should not be allowed.

Apparently a passing prince
Came upon a lass,
Innocently fast asleep,
And then he made a pass.

Engulfed by a kindly urge
This gallant lad lent down.
He gently kissed her soft pink lips
To take away her frown.

Startled then she leapt right up
And slapped his beaming face.
The Prince soon knew he’d done her wrong
And now was in disgrace.

“How dare you touch me without consent?”
She yelled at him in ire,
“My dignity, my personal space,
Penance they require.

You’d better find a lawyer soon,
That’s what I advise.
Your nasty criminal behaviour
I thoroughly despise.”

And thus the fairy tale did end,
So let this be a lesson.
Even a naive act of love
Can now be thought aggression.

 

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PLEASE NOTE:   Although it is not usually my habit to post over the weekend, do look out for a new blog from my pen each day of the coming Christmas period. 

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