The Sad Tale of Krotchety Kate and Stodgy Stan

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A Cautionary Tale for Tweeters and Bloggers

when Krotchety Kate
on a first date
first met Stuffy Stan
they hit it off a treat
he said to her
of the glittery hair
I’ll wing you off a tweet.

she said to him
you’ve found a bargain
I’m indiscreet
don’t check my jargon
just play it hard
in my backyard
and measure for measure
just as you like it
we’ll play the scene
this midnight’s dream
we’ll tell the world
don’t make a fuss
‘cos it’s just us
making ado about nothing

so these two pals
computer buffs
children of the noughties
they’d learnt to express
their fleeting thoughts
as with all their interchanges
in byte-size chunks of ones and noughts

barren of heart
bereft of feeling
not worth a fart
devoid of meaning
cryptic nonsense
profoundly clothed
in curlicues of verbiage
smatters of vernacular
loquacious chit-chat
profound as tosh
a load of bosh
stretching each point
cutting to no quicks
accepting bungs
loosening tongues
deriding the weak
while lauding the geek

alas, at last
their heyday past
their writer’s block
decreasing their stock
they moved from tweets to blogging
but they found there
buyer beware
their rambling thoughts
quite out of sorts
no better than their tweets
a real mish-mash
of regurgitated trash
bloated with hyperbole
littered with literary debris

suffice to say
that one dull day
they ended up both on their knees
as that once upon a time greek socrates
yes, they kept with him that final date
death by hemlock was their fate



© ‘ The Cricket Match’ … Pen & Wash – WHB – March 2017



Roll up, Roll up
And buy your ticket
Rejoice and thrill
At the game of CRICKET

Bowlers bowl
Fielders field
Batsmen bat
Never yield

Keepers keep
And catchers catch
All this happens
In a cricket match

Strikers strike
And hitters hit
Sloggers slog

Floaters float
Beamers beam
Chuckers chuck
While seamers seam

Umpires umpire
Scorers score
Strikers strike
Can’t ask for more

Spinners spin
Sledgers sledge
Captains captain
At the cutting edge

Drivers drive
And blockers block
Bouncers bounce
Eye on the clock

Grafters graft
And Hackers hack
Hookers hook
Better stand back

Openers open
Swingers swing
Sweepers sweep
‘Cos that’s their thing

Oft played upon
A sticky wicket
Best sport of all
The game of CRICKET


As in all sports, cricket has over its long history built up a long list of specialist vocabulary, or jargon.  I have attempted to incorporate some of this specialist language in my verses.

My pen and wash painting is of a scene at the Heathcoat Cricket Club in Mid-Devon.
The game of cricket has been played on this ground since the late 19th Century. 

The ground itself is one of the few to be found actually within the grounds of a National Trust property – that of Knightshayes Court , in the village of Bolham, near Tiverton.