JUST FOR A JOKE

POOLE  is a large coastal town and seaport in the county of Dorset, on the south coast of England. The town is 33 kilometres east of Dorchester, and adjoins Bournemouth to the east.  The town borders Sandbanks, a gorgeous beach backed by some of the world’s most expensive chunks of real estate.  I came across this defaced Borough Council notice board when I visited some years ago.  The Limericks followed . . .

Some smart Alec just for a joke
At the burghers of Poole took a poke.
He committed a crime
By altering a sign,
Causing mayhem with these gentle folk.

When they took their dogs for a stroll
Their pets lost all sense of control
And without more ado
They started to poo
Not thinking to bring toilet rolls

When the Poole cops arrested the joker
He said, “I lost all playing poker.
I thought he wins who dares;
I had toilet roll shares.”
He turned out to be a stockbroker.

Lustic Limerick #6

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I give you…

A Limerick on this very day
To keep my Covid Blues away …

A sweet lassie from far Tallahassee,
Whose demeanour was certainly classy;
When she walked up the aisle
Folks said with a smile,
“I do love that beautiful chassis.”

Lustic Limerick #5

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I give you…

A Limerick every other day
To keep my Covid Blues away …

When Beauty married her Beast,
She said, “I don’t mind in the least
If he wants to be hugged,
Or his tail to be tugged,
I’ll give him a regular feast.”

Lustic Limerick #4

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Over the next five weekdays I give you…

A Limerick every other day
To keep my Covid Blues away …

Suzie gets what Suzie wants
When Suzie starts to cry
No wonder why
Her little sigh
Can always make me cringe and die.

Lustic Limerick #3

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A Limerick every other day
To keep my Covid Blues away …

When fickle Francesca decided to marry
She would not have Tom, Dick or Harry.
But she took up with Pete,,
Who she’d met through a tweet;
Then she married a singer called Barry.

Lustic Limerick #2

There was a young lass from Belsize
She looked at me, rolling her eyes.
When she put out her tongue
I thought “You’re a bit young,
And to touch you just wouldn’t be wise.”

Lustic Limerick #1

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Over the next ten weekdays I give you…

A Limerick every other day
To keep my Covid Blues away …

There once was a beautiful couple,
Who did press-ups to keep themselves supple.
She said “Look in my eyes”,
He said “I love those big thighs”.
He was clever but not very subtle!

 

Senor Bitzwobble

Senor Bitzwobble

A Spaniard called Senor Bitzwobble
Met the Pobble without any toes,
Who got him to keep very still
While he swatted a fly on his nose.

‘I’ve seen your bits wobble’, said Pobble,
‘I suggest what you need is a mate;
Someone steady and willing
Life would soon become thrilling –  
How about me being your date?’

Well, they soon hit it off and got married,
Well, that’s how this story then goes,
They had many children together –
Married life had its highs and its lows.

Till, one day while they sunbathed together,
As in the bright sun they both dozed,
They both started to cough,
All heir bits then fell off,
And so their sad story then closed.

THE ITCH

THE  ITCH

There’s a joy in scratching an itch
Which increases the more that I do it
The more that I try
I ask myself why
Can’t I give my whole future to it.

And when I eventually try
To give up the scratching, then why
Does this damned itch’s curse
Get so Intensely worse
That I must scratch it again or I’ll die?

A Seattle Limerick

‘The Pox Devil’ – WHB, 2018

 

‘Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.’

 

An old hooker who lived in Seattle,
Developed a cough with a rattle.
Yes, she had caught a chill,
And began feeling ill,
And soon knew she was losing the battle.

So she took herself off to the docs,
Who gave her the worst of all shocks,
When he said to her, “Dear,
It would seem to appear,
You’ve contracted a dose of the pox.

If you do not want to be dead,
I suggest you spend less time in bed.
It’s all much too risky,
So when you feel frisky,
Take one of these tablets Instead.”