TERENCE – The Teachers’ Torment

TERENCE – THE TEACHERS’ TORMENT

Terence was so sensitive,
He was averse to life.
He was a pain to have in school,
A constant source of strife.

He wouldn’t play in any team,
He just stood there and cried;
Wouldn’t join in any sport
However much we tried.

He hated maths, he couldn’t add,
His spelling was appalling.
His writing was a dreadful scribble,
His language was quite galling.

And what he knew of history
Could be written on two stamps
And science and geography
To him were complete blanks.

And when it came to making friends
He wasn’t interested;
His eating habits were quite crude,
His food left half-digested.

He said that school was not for him,
He’d rather be at home.
His mum and dad, at their wits end,
Called it his Teddy Syndrome.

“OK, then let’s just try” I said,
“To see if this will work.
Let him bring his Ted to school
Might solve his little quirks”.

And so it did, I’m pleased to say.
There’s no more ridicule.
He carries Ted around with him,
Best teacher in the school.

‘Horace & His Teddy’ … Pen – PH & WHB

NUMEROPHOBIA

‘Teaching Maths’ … Collage by Clive Butler – c.1984

NUMEROPHOBIA

When numbers leap up at me
I often feel scared;
They can be aggressive
Maker thinking impaired.

I try not to fluster
To think these things through,
But I can still end up muddled
Not having a clue.

In the shop I try hard
To keep check on my spend,
But I’m easily distracted
And I have to pretend
That I know what I’m doing,
Mind and brain won’t agree;
Are two for the price of one
Same as buy one get one free?

When I’m with my bank statement
Checking up what I’ve spent,
Deducting those refunds
Allowing for rent,
Assuming some interest,
Checking those bills,
It gives me a headache –
Cue for some pills.

Life should be much easier.
If only I’d been
An attentive student
I could have foreseen,
That time spent with maths
In school in my teens,
Might have paid off –
Unless it’s my genes!

Three score years and ten
I will not see again;
At least I know that
My bible’s my brain.
My life is a number
Too large to keep count
It’s approaching seven dozen –
I demand a recount.

A Pi-Ku for Pi-Day

Tomorrow, 14^th March, is Pi Day.  It has become an occasion for the annual celebration of the mathematical constant π (pi).  It is also the birthday of Albert Einstein in – actually in 1879.

Based on the Japanese POETIC FORM of the HAIKU, where the 3 lines have syllable counts of 5,7,5, a new poetic form has in recent years been designed of the PI-Ku.

In a Pi-Ku each line of the poem has, in sequence, the number of syllables in the never-ending number — pi   –  that mysterious mathematical relationship between a circle’s diameter and its circumference . . .

π  =  3.14159265 35897932384626433832795028841971693993751058 . . .

In its basic form the Pi-ku will normally have just 3 lines – of 3, 1, and 4 syllables. However, as a development of this, it is possible to extend the number of lines with syllables following the Pi sequence, stopping wherever it is wished. To continue for ever would be a somewhat tedious exercise!

With a pi-ku, therefore, the first line has three syllables, the second line one syllable, and the third line has four syllables. Although without formal punctuation, each line should end in a terminal caesura which helps to retain the sense of the poem’s content. There is no specification on the subject matter.

For those interested, a web search for ‘Pi Day’ and/or ‘Pi-ku’ will give more ideas and examples.

I give two 9-line (3.14159265) attempts of my own at this exercise below . . .

Consider
Think
Let us compose
Now
Some poetic lines
Ones which clearly convey their meaning
To all
Setting out the purpose
Of this exercise

---

 

Talk to me
Speak
In your own words
Now
I want to hear you
Spilling your everyday musings
To me
So that I may reflect
On what our love means

Maths Limerick

[  # 79 of My Favourite Short Poems  ]

On a slightly different tack to my usual Monday poetic offering, here is a limerick which you may have come across before, but which I think is worth giving some thought to.  As far as I know, it has to be attributed to ‘Anonymous’, but I would welcome anyone who might be able to throw more light on who it was who devised this extremely clever verse.  It is as follows:

A dozen, a gross, and a score

Plus three times the square root of four

Divided by seven

Plus five times eleven

Is nine squared and not a bit more.

 

Put in terms of a regular mathematical equation, this would appear as follows:

 

NUMEROPHOBIA

‘Teaching Maths’ … Collage by Clive Butler – c.1984

When numbers leap up at me
I often feel scared;
They can be aggressive
Render thinking impaired.
I try not to fluster
To think these things through,
But I can still end up muddled
Not having a clue.

In the shop I try hard
To keep check on my spend,
But I’m easily distracted
And I have to pretend
That I know what I’m doing,
Mind and brain won’t agree;
Are two for the price of one
Same as buy one get one free?

When I’m with my bank statement
Checking up what I’ve spent,
Deducting those refunds
Allowing for rent,
Assuming some interest,
Checking those bills,
It gives me a headache –
Cue for some pills.

Life should be much easier.
If only I’d been
An attentive student
I could have foreseen,
That time spent with maths
In school in my teens,
Might have paid off –
Unless it’s my genes!

Three score years and ten
I will not see again;
At least I know that
My bible’s my brain.
My life is a number
Too large to keep count
It’s approaching seven dozen –
I demand a recount.