We’re All Pundits Now

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Here and there
they’re everywhere.
in-line, online
abusive, benign
in blurred newsprint
and excused misprint

Twittering away
face–booking their wisdoms
casual gurus
proffering help
offering opinion

Pointing their gun
complaining about how it was done
Gogglebox savants
of limited talents
displaying their predictive powers
from their remote ivory towers
deriding what they saw
laying down their cod law
always knowing better
down to the letter

Seeing through the haze
configuring the maze
arm’s length judgement
posing as sentiment

Sports star, celebrity
politician, nonentity
Academic or Bystander
give us candour or slander
cook, medic, dancer
do give us your answer
please feed us your views
comment on the news

Yes, obligatory opinions
on everything
on everyone
by everyone
for everyone

Don’t tell me to keep quiet
I can’t hear you
constructive deafness
selective amnesia

We need pundits and experts
but please play it fair
most are mere wannabes
balloons in the air

Once Upon A Time

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I used to open doors, now they open for me.

I used to walk upstairs, now I’ve a Stannah stairlift.

I used to dial on my phone, now I press a little green icon.

I used to fall asleep counting wooly jumpers, now I take a pill.

I used to put a record on the turntable, now Lady Alexa does it for me.

I used to visit shops, now shops come to me.

I used to get a tangerine in my Christmas sticking, now it’s a voucher.

I used to vote in a booth, now it’s by proxy.

I used to listen to the Goons, now I watch Gogglebox.

I used to holiday in Blackpool, now it’s a cruise.

  I used to be busy, now I’ve too much to think about.