The Sad Tale of Krotchety Kate and Stodgy Stan

Photo by Pixabay on

A Cautionary Tale for Tweeters and Bloggers

when Krotchety Kate
on a first date
first met Stuffy Stan
they hit it off a treat
he said to her
of the glittery hair
I’ll wing you off a tweet.

she said to him
you’ve found a bargain
I’m indiscreet
don’t check my jargon
just play it hard
in my backyard
and measure for measure
just as you like it
we’ll play the scene
this midnight’s dream
we’ll tell the world
don’t make a fuss
‘cos it’s just us
making ado about nothing

so these two pals
computer buffs
children of the noughties
they’d learnt to express
their fleeting thoughts
as with all their interchanges
in byte-size chunks of ones and noughts

barren of heart
bereft of feeling
not worth a fart
devoid of meaning
cryptic nonsense
profoundly clothed
in curlicues of verbiage
smatters of vernacular
loquacious chit-chat
profound as tosh
a load of bosh
stretching each point
cutting to no quicks
accepting bungs
loosening tongues
deriding the weak
while lauding the geek

alas, at last
their heyday past
their writer’s block
decreasing their stock
they moved from tweets to blogging
but they found there
buyer beware
their rambling thoughts
quite out of sorts
no better than their tweets
a real mish-mash
of regurgitated trash
bloated with hyperbole
littered with literary debris

suffice to say
that one dull day
they ended up both on their knees
as that once upon a time greek socrates
yes, they kept with him that final date
death by hemlock was their fate

‘Do You Know These People?’ – Five CLERIHEWS



Johann Sebastian Bach
Played his spinet in the park …
Till the ‘St Matthew Passion’ 
Went out of fashion.

Teresa May
Will still have her say,
When Brexit is over
She’ll barricade Dover.

That man, Donald Trump,
makes journalists jump,
But his late night tweet
Is their bread and meat.

Andrew Lloyd Webber
Was so very clever;
When he composed ‘Phantom’
He made ugly men handsome.

Kim Jong Un
Is full of fun,
But his braggadocio
Will end in atrocious woe.

[ . . .  WELL – you try to find a feminine rhyme for ‘braggadocio’  …   No, I won’t allow Pinocchio … or Tokyo ]


NOTE:   A CLERIHEW is a whimsical, four-line biographical poem invented by Edmund Clerihew Bentley.  The first line is normally the name of the poem’s subject, usually a famous person put in an absurd light, or revealing something unknown or spurious about them. The rhyme scheme is AABB, and the rhymes are often forced.  (Wikipedia)